For more than six months I was bedridden. My life was dull and colorless. There was no charm in living. Everything was a burden and heavy. There seemed to be no way out. All my relationships were growing weak; social interaction came to standstill. My sleepless nights were very long; I was tormented. All the rays of hope became dim. All the exit doors seemed closed.
This is life. This is reality. This is painful. Life is a painful reality. You may agree with me, or not. It is your choice but life is a painful reality and we have to accept it, face it and overcome all the obstacles, by the grace of God and with our own determination.
It was long past midnight; I was not able to go to sleep; I stared toward the ceiling.
(The following is not a vision or dream. These are the imaginations, contemplation and meditative thoughts of the author.)
Slowly the door was opened and He entered. He asked me, “How are you feeling?”
I told him that I have many negative thoughts; thoughts of prolonged sickness, thoughts of failure, and thoughts of uselessness. “These thoughts haunt me,” I said. “It seems a storm is going on in my mind, which won’t stop. It’s flooding my mind and I can’t think properly. Confusion is ruling over my mind and I live in a constant panic. I’m in a state of failure, of helplessness, the world seems to have come to an end and everything is over.”
He asked me,
“Is that the end of your story? Do you have something more to share?
Tell Me, open your heart.”
I looked at Him and said to myself, I am in agony and pain and I have told Him my whole story yet He is asking me to tell Him more. I was astonished at His words. But I said to Him, “That’s it.”
He focused His loving eyes on me, looked into my depressed and colorless eyes.
Then He said, “Look at My head, look at my face, look at my hands, and look at all these wounds. I offered my head to my heavenly Father; I was submissive. My enemies put a crown of thorns on my head to disgrace me, to humiliate and torture me. It was very painful but I accepted it. My forehead was bleeding badly.
“In fact I offered my head to my beloved heavenly Father—to heal your thoughts, your negativity and your hopelessness. I offered myself to heal your mind which was plotting, incubating, and nurturing evil thoughts.
“The judgment of God was being served on you, but I took that judgment on myself; I became your substitute. I said to My Father, ‘What wrongs this one has done, forgive.’ Then I took all your punishment on my body. I offered my head to be wounded, that you may be healed. I took your punishment that you may be released.
“So you don’t need to be worried. I have arranged for all your cares. I have the cure for you and I offer it to you freely.
“I know you and you know me, personally. I am well aware that you know all these things and you have accepted my salvation, but I think you have forgotten this lesson. Maybe your enemy “the Discourager” has defeated you. Wake up, be brave. Don’t worry. I have arranged everything. You are healed of your shortcomings, your flaws, your sins. I have taken all your punishment. Now accept your forgiveness, your restoration and your healing, by faith.”
I said to Him, “Forgive me, my Master. I have done wrong against you so many times. I have tried to solve my problems with my own strength and thought I could manage by myself.
“I thought I didn’t need you. I was so arrogant.
“I became so confident of myself, of my abilities; of my education, my training, and of my experience… Master, but now I see! I’ve ended up in total failure. Please forgive me, help me, strengthen me, and lift me up. I am in a deep ditch.”
As I confessed my sins, the entire burden rolled away.
He smiled at me and said, “Do not be afraid. Fear not, I am with you till the end of the age. Be strong, do not be dismayed. I have overcome the world. You will also.”
I listened to him carefully. His words strengthened me. There was a power in His words that brought a flood of hope, light, and joy; springs of peace flowed into my body, mind, soul and spirit.
An inexpressible joy entered my inner being. My burden was lifted. I was a new creature. I was flying in heaven with joy and gratitude, although I was on the earth. This was a fresh new experience.
The Master looked at me with a smile. He said, “Call unto Me, I will answer you. I am always with you. I want to live with you. I want to live in you, to strengthen you, to uphold you, to make you shine, to use you to witness for me.
“I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I am the first and the last. I died, I rose again and am alive and live forever. I love you, you are mine. Be brave and be strong. You are mine and I am yours.
“Do not forget my bleeding Head.”